I consider him the sperm donor!
For 25 years, almost 26 in a month, I have lived my life without ever knowing my father. I've never even met him. Up until this day, he's not my father if one truly understands the definition of the word. I consider him the sperm donor! Then just a few months ago, I found out that my husband's uncle was best friends with my biological father way back in his college days. There are even pictures to prove it. All my friends tell me that if I get a chance, that I should look for him. Everybody has been telling me that maybe I should find him. Some actually know where he is. But I don't want to, although I'm curious. What will it do to my mother? How will she feel if I find him? What if I hurt her? What if she never really liked him or that he was a mistake in her past that she is not willing to confront? I'm afraid of hurting her because she's done all that she could raising me by herself. But I do wonder, what if I have siblings? I've always been an only child. What if he looks like me? What if I look like the siblings? But I'm also afraid I might hurt HIS side as well. What if his family doesn't know he has another child? What if it will affect his family? What if it breaks it apart if all of a sudden I come into existence? These are risks I'm not willing to take. So even though I have these curious questions, the consequences just don't seem to be worth it. Afterall, if he really was interested, why hasn't he taken the effort to look for me?
What should I do?
4 comments:
I'd say GO FOR IT. It would be once in a lifetime that you would see your biological Father. After meeting him, tell hime how you feel, then go on with your life. At least that would be over so that you can close those fears that are bottled in you so that you can go with your life with Toto/Family/Friends afterwards!...
You need to see him. Talk to your mom first to even things out. Then go see him. Afterall, what have YOU got to lose. If you don't like him, at least you know right?
I think you should go and see him. Then ask all your questions about him. then leave. Just to fulfill your curiosity you know.
I have never met my father either. But it's ok. I agree with you on the part where you might ruin HIS family. I think we should live our lives with who already love us. Let's just love those who already love us. Great blog by the way!
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