Constant

I have problems dealing with my past. My friend Awon told me something about making peace. Making peace with our past. The most critical time of my life I was an outcast. Growing up an only child not only did I have difficulty making friends, but at where I was, people didn't want to make friends with me. Only a few, who spoke like me paid attention. It wasn't that I was jealous or bitter, just that I was mistreated and misunderstood. I was spit on once reading a book in the library. My socks were made fun of and my uniform because I couldn't afford to buy a new uniform. In college, my rebellion was short lived. I did all that, I drank a lot, I hung out with the wrong friends, I partied a lot, I rebelled against God, I was in the wrong relationships, in abusive relationships, I travelled without caution. I did all that, and it took me nowhere. Then I sometimes think, those people that i have so much hate for never experienced my experiences. Never was molested as a child, never grew up an only child to a single mother and having never met their biological father, never experienced being moved from one place to another, from one home to another, from one school to another, never dealt with being home alone at age 9, never had to earn money just to put myself through school. Their experiences could never compare to mine. Thus, I should never compare myself to them. My husband told me, stop thinking about your past and those people of you past because they probably don't even think about you at all. So either way, you're losing. They have moved on, you haven't.